Saturday, August 29, 2015

A Physicist's Watch

Me: So Kristin was showing us her new Apple Watch at work today.
       You should totally get one.
Marty: Why?

Me: It does everything. It keeps time, it has a stopwatch on it, an alarm... It has a calculator --
Marty: Mine does too. See?
Me: Yeah but hers isn't 20 years old.

Marty: So what? Mine has tons of functionality.

Me: Yeah, but yours can't receive texts. Or keep track of the miles you run.
Marty: Technically, hers can't either. It's just synching with her phone.
Me: And it synchs with her phone, too! See what I mean?


Marty: Why would anyone want to read a text on their wrist anyway?
Me: Well there goes my only idea for your birthday present.


Thursday, August 20, 2015

My Secret Stash

Marty: (yells from other room) Do we have any more smoke detectors?
Me: (yells back) ...what?
Marty: I'm collecting Americium. So do we have any more smoke detectors or not?

Yeah, that's a smoke detector, in pieces.

Me: (rounds corner) Yeah, there's one in the family roo-- WHAT are you doing?!?
Marty: I told you, collecting Americium.

There's hardly enough here to register on the Geiger counter. I need more.

Normal people hide boxes of Girl Scout cookies
- or maybe the 3 pound bag of peanut M&Ms  -
from their significant other.

Me? I hide smoke detectors.



(geez, who knew they were radioactive anyway?) 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Lead Lined Gloves

Allow me to present one of the bennies of being married to a physicist:
Lead Lined Gloves.

Seriously. They're a Thing.

Move over Suzy Homemaker. These things rock.
Especially for scooping radioactive litter.

Yeah, dude, your litter bombs are epic.

Don't give me that look, you know I'm right.




Sunday, August 9, 2015

Glasses, and a lesson in tact (or not)

Me: I hate my new glasses. Haaaaaaaaaaaaate them.
Marty: Did you measure them? I told you to measure them.
Me: I did! I measured, like a gazillion times.

Marty: You have to measure the lens width.
Me: I diiiiiid! 
Marty: Did you measure the bridge across the nose?
Me: Yesssssss.

Marty: Did you measure the earpiece?
Me: I'm not a complete idiot, you know.
Marty: Did you measure the lens depth?

Marty: You didn't, did you.
Me: Ummmm...
Marty: Well no wonder they look so round.
Me: *wails* I look like freakin' Harry Potter!!!

Marty: Well that's what you get for not measuring. I told you to measure.
Me: They're UGLY.

Marty: Well, yeah.
Me: *glare*

Dude. You're supposed to tell me they're not that bad.

Marty: I'm a physicist. We deal in fact, not tact.
Me: Omigod, seriously. Tell me that's NOT a bumper sticker somewhere.

Marty: Hey, wonder if they'd sell....